Monday, October 16, 2006

Slums of Dublin...Part18 (South of the Liffey.)

"Ma, Hey Ma! where`s me O`Connell`s school cap? Its bleedin` lashin` outside."..."Will ye shut bleedin` up, I`m tryin` to pluck me eyebrows and do meself up for Sil Fox at the Old Sheiling tonight!"...I`m walkin` up Talbot street, when I bump into Monica all dickied-out in a tin-of-fruit that was ruffled in the front...."Howyeh Mon! What happened yeh, Yer suit is all ruffled at the front and yer shirt is undone?"..."Aw! I`m after been to me interview for the cashier job in Dunnes Stores, and that bleedin` Wacker fella was feelin` me up. He said it was part of the interview process. He even had Ben Dunne, the chief executive there as well and he gave me diddies a good rub down. He said it was part and parcel of being a Dunnes Stores cashier. The good news is I got the job, and even better news, I got Deco a job as a store detective. But when they found out that he just got out of the `Joy, they were a little reluctant, until I offered to give them both a ride!"..."Well Jaysus! we`ll have to celebrate! Why don`t you and Deco come with me and Ger on our holliers to Blackpool. Yis can bunk into our B&B?"..."That’s bleedin` deadly, and you`se are invited out tonight with me and Deco. It`s me last chance to go over the southside before I become a brazzer!"....So that night, me and Ger met Deco and Monica outside the Banba store in Tara street..."Ok lads! First stop is Mulligans pub in Poolbeg street, around the corner"... Me, Deco and Ger were a bit nervous with all the bleedin` snobs, but Monica was in her element...Ger looked out of place with her 6inch platforms, miniskirt and strapless boobtube top. Everybody in the pub seemed a little uneasy when they saw me and Deco in wrangler parallels and Docmartin boots. Of course, Ger had to start off her Gloria Gaynor impression..."At first I was afraid I was petrified....."...That gave the barman an excuse to get rid of us, but with Deco gettin hotheaded about being asked to leave, he decided not to charge us for the drinks. ...Next stop was Baggot street where we stopped into Doheny and Nesbitts. Mary Black was sittin` at the bar wearin` the face off Declan Synott...Monica went up to her to get her autograph..."Any chance Mary!"..."Can`t ye see I`m suckin` face! Here give me that beermat"...In the corner, Charlie Haughey had his arm around yer wan from RTE news. Next stop was Toners pub, but we kept losin` each other cause we couldn’t see through all the hair. Deco was goin` round saying "Peace man" to all the dudes...The smell of grease permeated the air and all the hippies kept admiring Ger`s strapless bube tube. One of the greasers offered Ger a weed, but she declined and said "I only smoke Major!”. Then we went to a gig in the Baggot Inn. The Lookalikes were playing and as soon as they came on stage, Monica and Ger were up in a flash, hangin` out of Paul O`Conner, and shouting into the mike..."Baby don`t leave `til I wake up...Baby don`t leave `til I wake up in the morning!"...I think Paul was embarrassed by them....After the gig, we stopped at the kebab stand outside the Baggot Inn and Deco`s face was covered in sauce after lashin` into a kebab...Then we hit Leeson street, but at every night club we were stopped by bouncers at the door...This made Deco mad, so he hijacked a taxi to bring us back over to the northside..."That’s the last bleedin` time we`re goin` south of the Liffey...bleedin` snobs!" he sez ,as he hands a match to Monica to set fire to the taxi...She did it without hesitation...That was my Harmonica...A true Dublin brazzer if there ever was one.