Slums of Dublin...Part5 (Moore St.)

I was already a half hour late as l lashed up Henry street and Mary street all the way to Smithfield market to get me pram full of fruit and veg. I had to get it to "Big Muriel (she had a stall in Moore St.), and I knew she was goin` to bleedin` let into me cause l was late. Now Big Muriel was a horse of a woman with a tatoo on each shoulder...I luv Wacker... and...I luv Micka. Strangely though, her husband’s name is Cyril. (BTW, she is based on a real character called Big Mary who once had an American tourist come up to her and buy a dozen apples. As he was walking away, he noticed only 10 apples in his bag and went back to inquire..."Ah Jayz luv, two of the apples were rotten, so I trun them out".)..."Where the f*** were you! I had to sell me customers’ last week’s fruit?"..."Ah jayz sorry Muriel" sez I as I proceeded to check the tomatoes to find a nice fresh one to lorry into. "Jaysus, just cause I know ye, doesn’t mean ye can squeeze me fruit?". Then I went into Buckleys the butchers to get a pound of Donnelly’s sausages to bring with me to Ger`s Gaffe in Sherrifer, cause Bridie was goin to make us a coddle for dinner....So I walked back down Henry St, Talbot St. and Amiens St. and around the corner to Sheriffer...

Slums of Dublin...Part4 (Flowing Tide)

Flashback Part 5: Monday morning 7:15am...I’m laying in bed dreamin` about Caroline when me oulwan shouts up the stairs..."Will ye get bleedin` up, yer late for the dole office...That’s what ye get for galavantin` with wans from jayzus knows where, `til all hours. "...I grab a rasher sambo and rush out the door...only 30mins to get to the Gardiner street exchange. I jump on the 53 bus and go upstairs to smoke a major... Me nerves were bleedin` shattered cause it’s already July 1st and I had three different "mots" wantin` to go on three different holliers....Caroline wanted to go to Butlins Mosney, Ger wanted to go to BlackPool, and Susan wanted to go to Benalmadena. Now how the f*** am I goin` to afford all that with just me dole money and workin` on the sly, doin` nixers for the fruit and vegsellers in Moore Street? I’m in the exchange in Gardiner Street collectin` me 25 quid dole when I bump into Phil. As always, he asks me to go for a pint in the Flowing Tide. "Jayz Phil, every week you go in for one and you end up gettin` bleedin` scuttered."....So around the corner we head to Middle Abbey Street...We’re sitting at the bar, when a bird in a miniskirt walks by on her way to the jax. "Jayz, I wouldn’t mind givin` her a lash" sez Phil..."But did ye get a gander at her mush, she has a bleedin` mustache" sez I...."A for f*** sake, ye don’t look at the mantlepiece when yer pokin` the fire, do ye?". After the third pint I had to drag meself away from Phil. "Jayz Phil, I have to go and do a nixer in Moore street" ....

Slums of Dublin...Part3 (Apartment Disco)

Around the corner we went, onto Fleet lane and into the Apartment Disco. We just got in the door when who did I spot only Phil and Mags..."Holy St. Hanna" I said to meself, I hope Mags doesn’t open her gob about last night. If Caroline finds out about Sue, I’m a gonner... I gave Phil a nudge and he copped on straight away, but Mags was dying to open her gob(the nosey bitch). "Hey Caroline, this is me mate Phil and his mot Mags"..."Hoooya!"...."Hey Caroline, do ye want te go to the toilet?" sez Mags..and off the two of them go...(Now there are two things in life that have always baffled me... one was where the bleedin` ducks went in the winter (Catcher in the Rye) and the other was why do women always go to the jax in pairs...Do they need to hold each others hands?). So we were rockin away to the disco sounds of "Rock the Boat" by Hues Corporation, and Rock me Gently" by Andy Kim, and "Rock your Baby" by George McCrae, when Noel the deejay puts on "Satisfaction" by the Stones. In a flash a circle forms and I barrel in to do "Jagger". Then Mags jumps into the circle after me kickin` her legs so high, that her Dunne’s Stores (St. Bernard brand) knickers were showin. Then Phil and Caroline join in and we are all sweatin like bleedin` pigs. Then Noel the Deejay sez "We’re going to slow it down now nice in slow with "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro"...Before I could say no, Mags grabs me and sez "Are ye gettin up!". So we were smoochin` away when I noticed her Magie Noir perfume smelled very very familiar..."Jayz Mags, ye smell like a whore`s handbag"..."Well ye bleedin` loved it last night didn’t ye" she said. "Mother of Divine" I thought to meself, now I remember... and she’s still wearin the same bleedin knickers...."If you say anything to Caroline about Sue, I’ll bleedin` string ye up."...Then Noelput on "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips, and I started to smooch with Caroline. Well between dancing real close and all the sweat from doing Jagger, I got the "excitement" (Angela’s Ashes)..."Hey Caroline, do ye want to go outside for a quickie."...She looked up at me with those doting blue eyes and nodded approval...So went outside around the corner onto Fleet Street..."Just think Caroline, in another two years when we’re 18, we’ll be able to go there to Sloopys Nightclub (Does anybody remember the ad at the pictures where a cool guy comes out of Sloopys and jumps into a convertible?)...We headed across Westmoreland street to the little archway underneath the "Zhivago`s Nightclub" sign (where love stories begin!). Caroline stood with her back up against the wall. In this light she looked like Maxie, Dick, and Twink all rolled into one...simply adorable. I gently pushed back her soft curls and nibbled on her ear. Then I threw my head back to get a look at cherub cheeks. I could see my saliva glint in the moonlight on her earlobe. She looked at me with loving anticipation. Our lips were about to meet when suddenly, this beautiful tender moment was... SHATTERED...by a raspy voice that wafted from across WestMoreland Street. "Did ye get yer ware" shouted Mags (I could’ve killed her, the bleedin` wagon. Ye just know there’s going to be a big bleedin` catfight between Susan, Caroline, and Ger when they find out about each other,(and I can’t trust "mouth almighty" Mags to keep her trap shut, and I don’t want this to happen cause I bleedin love yis all. I was walkin` down by College Green and bump into those guys in the suits from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and they convert me to the Mormon religion. Then I can have a bigamous relationship with all three of you,(although I can’t see Sue and Caroline living under the same roof). Or 2. I could forget about the bleedin` lot of youse and just elope with Mrs. O`Kelly (Gok`s Ma). I know she has the "hots" for me `cause once when I was in the flat in Sheriffer, Ger was in the jax gettin` dolled up when I noticed the bedroom door ajar. I sneaked a peek at Mrs. O`K undressing and she turned around and flashed her diddies at me...I was bleedin` scarlet....