Monday, December 11, 2006

Slums of Dublin...Part24 (The Brazzers' hit the Grove)

“Ma! Hey Ma, where’s me purple polyester shirt, elephant flairs, and desert boots?”. “Will ye shut bleedin’ up! I’m tryin to do the Lotto”. “Ah jaysus Ma, I need them ‘cause Deco’s posh mot Monica, is bringin’ us all to go the Grove in Raheny”. “Wha! That bleedin’ greaser place where all the fellas have hair down to their arse and the hippie mots don’t wear any bras! Next you’ll be smokin’ pot and goin’ to cider parties in St. Annes! Go and go to the bleedin’ Ierne instead and get yourself a good strappin’ wan from the country. She’d set ye bleedin’ straight!”. So off we head (meself, Deco, Monica, Phil, Mags, and Caroline) up to the Annesley Bridge to catch the 29A to Raheny. Deco goes into the off-licence at the Station House to buy a couple of naggins of Bulmers to drink in the bushes in St. Annes before the big night. As we approached the door of the Grove, Deco looked conspicuous in his Ben Sherman shirt, Wrangler parallels, and Doc Martin boots. “Hey man, we don’t want your sort in here!” sez one of the bouncers (as he’s smokin’ a reefer). “Wha! I’ll have all me mates from Harmo’ and Edenmore to bleedin’ sort yis out!” sez Deco. Monica quickly intervened and said “Listen dudes, I’ll give yis all a free ride later on if yis let him in!”. That hit the spot with the bouncers and we all barreled in for a night of rockin’ and ridin’. Everybody and anybody was there includin’ Biker Pat, Rolo, Eejit, Hayseed Dixie, Floydman, Finno, Blondie, and all the other “Heads” from Clontarf, Raheny, Sutton and Donnycarney. Cecil the DJ had the crowd doin’ air-guitar to the sounds of Wishbone Ash, Deep Purple, and Black Sabbath. O’ Course this did’nt sit well with Mags and she went up to Cecil and said, “Heeyah! Wha’s this shite music ye have on? If ye don’t put on somethin’ “cool” like Gary Glitter or David Cassidy, I’ll kick ye in the bollix!”. It was at that very moment that Cecil had an epiphany. “Well it just so happens that I hate this shite metal stuff too!” he sez. “Here, have a gander at me secret stash of albums I have hidden at the back here. These are me favourites and what I listen too at home when I don’t have these greasers to satisfy”. As Mags opened the box of LPs’ she saw the “Holy Grail” of “brazzer” music. They were all there – ShawaddyWaddy, Mud, BayCityRollers, The Osmonds, etc. “Now yer bleedin’ talking!” sez Mags, “Pur on ByeByeBaby by the Rollers cause I tink Woody is bleedin’ gorgeous!”. As soon as the first line started – “If you hate me after all I say ah ah!”, the brazzers’ had formed a circle with the handbags in the middle on the floor and joined in the chorus “ByeByeBaby Baby Goodbye ahahah…..!” Biker Pat and Rolo freaked out when they heard this and started a big bleedin’ mil. As the chairs, boots and fists started flyin’ the brazzers rolled up their sleeves and kicked the bollixes out of all and sundry. Deco was in his element as he thought to himself, “Jaysus! I luv these bleedin’ brazzers. Every time I go out with them there’s a bleedin’ riot!”.

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