Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Slums of Dublin...Part23 (Deco Dunnes Detective)

Well the Flea Degrees haven’t been heard from since the big gig in the Elbow Inn. The gardai in Store street found Mags bra hangin` out of the top of the Five Lamps in Amiens Street the next morning. The gardai in Ballymun found Sally`s knickers hangin` out of the top window in Patrick Pearse Tower. Caroline`s tights were found wrapped around James Joyce`s neck in North Earl Street. The girls are gone very bleedin` posh these days. Ever since the gig, they have hired Boyzone as their roadies (Boyzone broke up `cause their music was shite, and when they got the offer to roadie for the Flea Degrees, they jumped at the chance. Especially the clause in the job application that said payment was in "kind"!)Jaysus Caroline! It’s a small bleedin’ world after all. My best mate, (let’s call him “Deco” for privacy’s sake) works in Dunnes as a store detective and he bleedin’ loves it. He spends most of his time friskin’ all the oulwans as they exit. However, he was very lucky getting’ the job `cause he had just got out of the ‘joy after doin’ a 6month stretch for robbin’ the lead off Clery’s roof in O’Connell Street. I felt very bleedin’ sorry for him, so I invited him and his mot (lets call her Monica for privacy’s sake) over to my mots’ gaff – St Laurence’s Mansions in Sheriff Street flats, one night, and Gok mentioned how she loved workin’ on the cash-register in Dunnes. I could see Deco’s eyes light up in anticipation as Gok went into detail in describing the benefits of working in Dunnes (e.g. bring home “free
merchandise” every night). Anyway, we set him up with an interview for store-detective and he hasn’t looked back. He was tellin’ me one day last week an oulwan (lets call her Mags for privacy sake) was walkin’ out and looked very suspicious what with a pair of jugs bigger than melons and an arse on her that would change the course of the Nile. As Deco eyed her up and down, she retorted; “Heeyah! Have I
got 10 bleedin’ heads or wha!. Get yer bleedin’ mind out of yer jocks and don’t be gawkin’, ye bollix!” That made Deco mad, and he accosted her and brought her into his “interrogation” room. Turns out she was wearin’ 10 bras and 20 knickers. When the gardai came she pleaded for leniency and mentioned that she was a very religious
person and only stole items with saints names (in this case St. Bernard).