Slums of Dublin...Part10 (Big Muriel's Stall.)

Its Tuesday morning and I`m coming back from the Smithfield markets with the fruit and veg for Big Muriel`s stall when I stopped at the Pound shop in Mary Street to buy a present for Susan`s birthday and bought her 4 tea-towels on sale for a pound . So off I went down to Moore Street. Phil was standin` beside Big Muriels` stall with a bag full of kitkat bars that he was selling at five for a pound. "Here look what I got Sue for her birthday...What a bargain!" sez I..."Jayz yer a bleedin`cheapskate...go across there to Dunnes Stores and buy her somethin` else or she`ll bleedin` give ye an earful!". We were standin` there with our backs against Buckleys butchers havin` a good chinwag, when we noticed Cross-eyed Eileen at the stall next to Big Muriel`s bending down to check some fruit under her stall. "Are yis gettin a good bleedin` gander lads" she said as she seemed to be looking in another direction. So we just leaned back against the window to enjoy the view and played "Pocket Billiards". Then Big Muriel came from behind and grabbed the two of us by the crotch, (she had arms like tree trunks and fists like shovels and a vice grip stronger than a pit bull)..."Now lads! Get yis-is-er minds out of yis-is-er jocks!" she said as she kept on squeezing. I looked down and through the pain all I could see was "I luv Wacker" and all Phil could see was "I luv Micka", and she kept her grip until Phil yelped in a high-pitched contralto voice "Jayzus Muriel, yer chokin` me charlie!"...With all the oulwans in Moore St. fallin about the place laughin`, I skidaddled over to Dunnes stores to buy another present for Suzy. "How much are yer bras?" I sez to snobby lookin` wan at the cash register. "What size do ye want, A B, C, or D cup?" ...."Hmmm how about a B and C"..."Its got to be one or the other" she sez.... "Well Jayzus, all I know is one diddy is bigger than the other!". So after buying a cross-your- heart Playtex bra, I went home to get spruced up to go meet Suzy.